im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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