My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
