I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
false alarm, still single
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
