Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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