Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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