the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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