you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
