time to smoke my breakfast
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
