You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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