He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
