I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
