i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
