Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
