I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
