Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
