just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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