Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
