i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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