I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
