"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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