omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
