I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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