I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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