Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
