She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
