hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
