I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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