Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
