I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
