Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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