The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
