I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize