omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
