if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
