I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
