just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize