Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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