The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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