he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
