Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
