so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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