Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
