Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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