Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
