I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
