i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
