if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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