i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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