Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
