when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
