Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
