Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
