and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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