i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is my life. Enjoy the view
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
