Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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