Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
