I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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