He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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