also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
