...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
