This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
