I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
