Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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