Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize