When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
