you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
