I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
