a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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