I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was CRYING into my vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
