found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
