You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
